Friday, May 31, 2019

On Commitment

       I believe the biggest testament to commitment is the marriage contract.  To me, upholding a marrriage contract is not simply a matter of not engaging in extramarital affairs or dodging divorce. It is about being clear of one's own intentions and keeping the agreement made between two partners. Essentially, it is like any other contract between to parties: there are terms and agreements which both parties must agree to. Therefore, I understand that a breach in this agreement may necessitate divorce. I have also learned that when two parties no longer agree to the terms of the agreement, then a new agreement may be negotiated on. All of this is okay, however, the primary objective of any agreement is to keep it.
       I have been married for over a year now and if there is any lesson that I have learned, it is one of commitment.  The most recurring theme being keeping agreements. This has been one of the toughest subjects for me because I often either renegotiate or break my agreements, may it be an agreement with myself or someone else.
       For me, my first agreement regarding my marriage was to move to the other coast of Florida. This was agreed upon before we even had a formal ceremony or marriage certificate. However,  it took me three months to follow through. There was a lot of reneogtiating with regards to the time frame, but the agreement was essentially kept.
      There have been instances where we both have broken our agreements. Not in matters of traditional fidelity, but in matters of honesty. In those cases, I have learned the important and valuable lesson of accountability. Accountability, I have learned, is about taking into ACCOUNT how one's own actions have factored into one's own situation in life. It is not about blame, but about responsibility and ownership.
      For instance, prior to getting married, I told my husband I would be done with school within two years. This was in the Spring of 2017. I knew that it was possible, but I did not follow through. Rather than blame him for lack of support or myself for lack of initiative, I got to take into account what actions led to me not following through with my word. I was aware of my financial situation and set a very high goal that did not match up with my situation in life at the time. I knew I had to pay out of pocket. However, I did not take into account the other financial responsibilities that come with marriage.
      So from an accountability standpoint, I could say I did break my word to graduate within two years of getting married. The events that led to my breaking my word included working more hours than I did when I lived at home, adapting to a different schedule than I usually do, and lack of effective time management. Other factors included lack of finances and not pursuing alternative avenues to finance my education, while still upholding my other financial responsibilities. Factors that did help me get closer to my goal included taking additional classes and having at least one backup payment option to take additional courses.
     Realizing that I was not going to reach my goal in time was disappointing, but not devastating. My end goal was to graduate and I did not lose sight of the end goal. Being accountable allowed me to receive feedback from my biggest supporter and look at ways I could still commit to my long-term goal without being entirely out of integrity. So, I took on additional classes and decided to be more honest about where I was. Now, I am on track to graduate a year later than I initially anticipated, but it will still happen before we reach our third year of marriage.
       I think accountability also helps with preparing for future commitments. Realizing my areas of weakness that led me to be out of integrity, may help me in the future. One thing that I can do to ensure I keep future commitments is being honest with myself about what I can commit to and what I am willing to do to keep that commitment. Also, being present to who I am and what support systems I have available is important as well.
      Essentially commitment is about being honest and present with oneself. In marriage, it is also about being honest with one's partner. It is about knowing what it will take to be in integrity and being present to that. One vow I can pride myself in keeping is staying by my husband's side "through sickness and ine health". I think out of all commitments I had to keep, this is the one that stuck because it was an explicit vow that was made as part of our marriage contract. Both of us have been ill during the course of our year and a half marriage and have really had to put that vow to the test. Knowing that we both are able to maintain that reassures me that we could support each other through our other personal commitments.

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