On Marriage

     Tomorrow I will be celebrating one year of marriage. It has been quite an interesting journey: two people from two completely different backgrounds living communally and learning how to love one another. During the course of our one year journey we have experienced our highs and lows. Yet, here we are almost a year later.
This might not appear as much of a feat, given that many people I know have had dating relationships for years before they break up.  For me, though, one year is a great accomplishment. Prior to this, my longest nonplatonic "committed" relationship barely lasted  4 months.
     I have learned that marriage is more than making compromises. It is also learning how to play team and being completely committed to having the TEAM win. It is loving the beautiful and not so beautiful parts of myself and allowing another person to do the same. It is being unashamedly authentic, honest, and messy. The last part was the hardest for me and still is.
    Being unashamed requires letting go. It is a different kind of freedom, one that I  seldom experience and have learned to embrace in my marriage. Authenticity is an art form. It comes only once one has accepted one's self wholly and completely. Honesty is a form of authenticity. There is no deception, no story. Being honest requires the willingness to to look within and also be outward focused. It is not about self-preservation, but rather about self-awareness and awareness of others. Being messy is a beautiful thing. To be messy, truly messy, requires a dose of shamelessness. To be unashamedly authentic, honest, and messy is an ongoing process. It is not something that one just DOES or IS, it is an every day learning process. For me, that is what it has been.
    My greatest lesson thus far is that I am human and not only do I make mistakes, but my partner is just as human as I am. We both have expectations, we both have ideas, we both have desires. We each have something to contribute in this process. We can continue to grow with and learn with each other, even when we believe we learned everything. What was once a scary big leap has now become a fun adventure.
       At one year, my husband and I are still new at this. We have the commitment and drive to make it work, yet I know that there will be moments of doubt. There will be moments of jubilation and triumph. Moments of despair and exasperation. Moments of peace and contentment. We are just embarking this journey of discovery. The best is yet to come and as my husband always reminds me: "It'll all work out".