Thursday, March 23, 2017

On Forgiveness

      "We're all born sinners". That is what I heard my brother tell me in the car as he drove me to the bus stop this morning. I wanted to dismiss it. The phrase. I wanted to argue it out of existence, out of my mind, but there it is and here I am writing about it. I suppose it was the inspiration I was seeking after months of absence.
    The phrase got me thinking because I grew up(and still live in) a religious home with a zealously religious mother. I spent most of my life growing up going to church, reading the Bible, praying, and trying to understand salvation. What people call "salvation" though is merely atonement. A relief, an acknowledgement that whatever perceived sin they have committed has been absolved, forgiven. I suppose when I look at it that way, salvation appears less scary, less foreign.
      Forgiveness, that is a word that I have grown up hearing and that was as foreign to me as salvation, but at least more attainable. I could not grasp it, but I knew that if it was something we were expected as humans to also give and receive, then maybe it was a more realistic endeavor. However, I still struggled because in my mind I would wonder how is it that we are created by this God who gives us this imperfect nature and expects us to be perfect? I did not understand. I could not. In my mind, the God my parents introduced me to was this judgemental being who was impossible to please. Yet, laid all these expectations and rules that were supposedly attainable, but really impossible. I could not grasp how such a God could forgive or even want to forgive me.
    I tried in vain to seek validation and forgiveness externally. I thought maybe if I prayed more, sang more, read and memorized more Biblical scriptures, maybe then I would be close to perfect. I thought maybe if I loved God a little better, tried to be more like Yehoshua, then maybe I would transcend the sinning stage. 
     It became an ongoing battle for me. I found myself committing the more blatant and obvious sins. The ones every Christian and believer could point out as sin. I found myself hearing quotes like "You can't try to do it by your own works". I pretended not to understand. But I did.
     What I understand now is that in some ways we will all fall short of our ideal. Whatever that may be. I came to understand that forgiveness is more than someone dying for our sins.That it is more than acknowledging our capacity to hurt someone and apologizing when we do. It is about moving past our own perceived limitations and the limitations of others. It is about recognizing who we are in spite of what we think we should be. It is about coming to an understanding of not only where we are as individuals, but also where we fit within the collective.It is about understanding that our perceived mistakes are really teachable moments life. Moments to learn about ourselves, about others, about the abundant universe(or multiverse) that intricately connects us all together. Ultimately, forgiveness, is recognizing the "sinner" in all of us and learning to see past the "sin". To me, forgiveness is that doorway to unconditional love and eternal universal peace. But it really starts with the individual realizing that yes, we are all "born sinners". We all make our "mistakes". But we are all fully capable of finding the lessons in each mistake, learning from them, and ultimately demonstrate our capacity to love and be loved.